Sunday, October 10, 2004

Momentary Twilight of the Chaotic Mind

The other day my computer froze, a video driver problem. I paused in momentary horror at the realisation that I had most likely lost what I had just been writing. The string of characters, tediously ordered into concept conveying packages of information, gone forever, lost amongst the billions of other ones and zeros in computer memory. I searched my memory; my own human memory is often just as fleeting, yet out of the disjointed stream of conscious thought, I was able to fish out a suitable substitute.

This morning I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and found, upon second viewing, a certain emotional depth that seemed to have somehow slipped passed me the fist time around. Circumstances it seems have changed my outlook on many things.

After having dinner over at a friends' place, I didn't feel like going straight home. I can get like that sometimes. I headed to the local twenty-four hour shop down the road for a dose of fizzy caffeine and ran into a friend I hadn't seen for a while, with whom I used to often play LAN games with. I gave him a lift home, which wasn't far away, then went for a drive up to the top of Sparkes Hill.

I sat for a while, looking out at the lights all the way to the airport and thought about the various memories I've collected over the years, the defining events of my past. I couldn't think of a single one that I would want to have erased if given the chance. I guess that's a good thing.

Memories are fleeting, evanescent in nature, patterns in the brain vying for existence, likely to succumb to extinction at any time or to evolve into an entirely new form, adapting to a new mental climate. Ok, maybe I need to get more sleep.

Erase Jim Carey?


Blogger Jenni said...

Thanks for the response. ;) I am actually guilty of having run my own personal division of Lacuna at certain points in my life. A complete purging of a person and everything related to them, the good along with the bad, to escape the pain. Not a very healthy way of dealing with things.
The thing that got me the most about that movie, however, was the tapes they had of each other's post relationship complaints. If someone could tell you at the beginning of an exciting and promising relationship how it was going to end, would you still go for it? In a way I think we all do it, look past certain details because the beginning of a relationship is so euphoric, and in the end you could have saved yourself a lot of pain and suffering if you would have just listened to the tapes and cut things short. But it all comes to that whole "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" deal. You have to hold on to the beautiful AND the heart-wrenching memories. The balance of the two is what life is all about.
And I'm done rambling.

10/11/2004 11:55:00 pm  

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